1) At least one member will always possess the ability to mimic a Pterodactyl’s cry and will, at every available opportunity, demonstrate this ability
2) Any LAN Party exceeding five people will contain at least one member with over 30 GB of porn on their hard drive
3) At least one attendee will fail to bring a network cable
4) At least one attendee will always bring a network cable under 2 ft
5) At least one PC will find a way to lag at Starcraft
6) One member will have Star Wars bestiality porn on their PC and at least one other member will desire it
7) One attendee will have $400 in change on him
At least one attendee will consume more than 10 Liters in Energy Drinks
9) At least a quarter of attendees will pay a $5 entry fee with a $20 bill
10) At least One PC will be invisible to every other PC on the network, but at the same time, will be the only PC able to see every other PC on the network
11) At least one member will forget their network login password mere seconds after creating it
12) At least one player will ask how to reload forty minutes into an FPS match
13) The response they will get will be to hit Alt + F4
14) The amount of time spent arguing over balanced teams before a match must be equal or greater than the length of the game match itself
15) Somebody will always ask to borrow a computer
16) At least one member will have a firewall enabled
17) Pizza Hotline will always screw up at least one pizza order
18) Only 10% of those who say they will attend actually attend (known as the 10% rule)
19) Noise levels will reach their peak among members when we are placing the pizza orders over the phone
20) At least two members will bring wireless mice
21) Nobody chooses a game nickname that is in any way representative of themselves
22) At least two players will choose the same game nickname
23) At least half of the nicknames will be grossly inappropriate
24) No matter how well we prepare, we will always overload a circuit
25) Someone will always trip over a network cable
I hope that everyone has been enjoying their holiday and trying to blank out that classes will resume in a mere week (sorry to shatter your bubble). Anyway, we here at NOLAG figure that their is no better way to start off the new year and dispel any feelings of depression coinciding with the beginning of the winter term then with a 31 hour LAN Party. With the LAN Party of course, comes the %#&$-load of information detailing every microcosm of the event you’ve come to expect. If you can think of a better way to hit off the new year, you let us know.
When:
It will begin at 7:00 P.M on January 8th and go until 2:00 A.M on January 10th. You are free to come and ago at any point during this time period, though please be sure to notify an executive when you go to leave (Trevor, Chewka or Nickel).
Where:
The University of Manitoba Student Union’s Council Chambers located in the tunnels connecting University Center to the Helen Glass Nursing Center. It has a tile design of AOL men holding hands outside the door with the interior of the council chambers resembling a room that James Bond villains would order the launch of warheads from. It has a massive circular table with a donut-hole in the center and many wheeled chairs. Most parking is free at the University after 4:30, with virtually all spots not specifically labeled “24-hour reserved parking” being accessible (though if it says Monday-Friday under it, it’s fair game for you guys). Please don’t use the Parkade as they will charge you and due to the free parking elsewhere, it makes no sense to do so.
What Games:
We are focusing our support on the games listed below, though we do offer support for several others if their proves to be a sufficient demand from players at the LAN Party. Please be aware that we are still in the process of testing the games released since September for compatibility issues and thus haven’t listed them here. Any future games we decide on will be added in an email later this week. As always, this list isn’t set in stone and may be subject to change at any time.
First Person Shooters:
1.Team Fortress 2
2. Left 4 Dead
3. Unreal Tournament 2004
4. Call of Duty 4
Real Time Strategies:
1. Starcraft
2. Warcraft 3
3. Dawn of War
4. Dawn of War 2
5. Age of Empires 2
6. Age of Empires 3
Turn Based Strategy:
1. Age of Wonders: Shadow Magic/Heroes of Might and Magic 4 (We will only play one and will decide with a vote)
Role Playing:
1.Titan Quest
*If you don’t have all of the games, please come anyway and we will figure something out
Food:
Right now we are still nailing down the details of our food plans for the LAN Party, so bear in mind that this plan is still highly tentative. Confirmation and additional details will be provided in a future email.
We will be ordering Pizza Hotline at 8:30 P.M (on Saturday, January 9th) with the cost being between $9.00 to $9.50 (depending on whether they have recently changed their prices/discount) for an Extra Large 2-topping Pizza. Additionally, if you choose to order Steak, the cost will increase by $1.00.We will also be ordering from Degrees, a restaurant on the third floor at around Noon (on Saturday January 9th) and will receive a discount their. Please be advised that it will likely take them around an hour to prepare the food depending on the order size, so please don’t expect to have your food by 6:05. We will be receiving a discount from both restaurants, though the exact number has not yet been decided on. Finally, for Friday evening and Saturday morning, we will be playing those by ear based on what people are in the mood for. We may organize a car pool to a local restaurant or simply do a burger run, depending on what people are in the mood for. As always, you guys are welcome to bring any snacks/energy drinks you want or buy them on campus after you’ve arrived, though alcohol is prohibited.
Rules & Regulations:
1. No Hacking/Cheating (All your base does not belong to you)
2. No unauthorized roughhousing, brawling, dueling, office chair jousting, going Super-Saiyen, etc.
3. No Abusive/Grossly Inappropriate language (Be aware that due to the close proximity of gamers at the LAN Party, violations of this rule often results in subsequent violations of rule #2)
4. Keep smack talk to a minimum (See Rule #3)
5. No unauthorized handling of other attendees property
6. No inappropriate handling of your own property (Clothes stay on, no matter how hot the room gets)
7. No Alcohol on the premises (Tom: Hello Jim, what are you doing. Jim: Well Tom, I am drinking this liquid over several $1000’s worth of electronics that impairs my judgement and hand eye coordination…)
8. You must have had a shower within at least 24 hours of attending the LAN Party…no exceptions…seriously…I mean it this time
9. Clean up all garbage you see (especially spills), as we have been given an awesome room and would like to have it for future LAN Parties as well
10. No displaying of Pornographic materials (Yes, Starwars themed Hentai counts too)
11. You must have some form of virus scanner running (example: Avast) as don’t forget, when you connect to another computer you’re also connecting to every PC they’ve connected to (since their last reformat at least)
12. Please no Firewalls (anonomyous LAN Party attendee: Trevor, Trevor why can’t I connect to your PC? Trevor: Have you tried turning off that program that is designed to block things from connecting to your PC? anonomyous LAN Party attendee: Uhhhhh….)
A Note about Wireless Devices:
We are asking everyone to please, please not bring a wireless mouse or keyboard or any other wireless devices if at all possible (excluding Cell Phones). This is due to the fact that wireless signals often interfere with one another, resulting in limited functionality for users of similar wireless devices. Put in simple terms: 1 wireless device = 
, 2 or more wireless devices = CLUSTER F*CK
Entry Fee:
There will be a $5 dollar entry fee to get into the LAN Party. We don’t offer refunds (except for special cases). Please make our lives easier and pay with exact change/bills and don’t try to get us to break a $100 bill or any crazy crap like that for you. Upon paying, you will be issued a Login code to access our server software. Until you pay, you will not be issued a login code and thus, not allowed to access our central server.
Volunteer Opportunities:
We are looking for volunteers to help with directing people to the room, moving equipment, and acting as a door greeter/receptionist/bouncer, so if any of those positions appeal to you, please let us know as soon as possible. Additionally, we are encouraging everyone to take the initiative in encouraging others to attend the LAN Party, so if you have any friends or family that would be interested in attending, be sure to bring them along. As much as we try to advertise, in the end word of mouth is the most effective means of recruitment.
Transportation:
If anyone is having trouble with transportation to the LAN Party or after it, it’s very important that you contact us as soon as possible so that we can make arrangement for car-pooling or alternative transportation. It likely won’t be a problem if you tell us soon, but it may become more difficult if you wait until closer to the LAN Party date to contact us. Also, as previously stated, the LAN Party will be ending at around 2:00 A.M. Please bear that in mind when deciding on how you are going to get home. If you are relying on a ride from your parents, please bare in mind that unless they are borderline insomniacs and enjoy late night driving (like mine), than you may have to make alternative arrangements such as leaving a couple hours early. Additionally, please bear in mind that the Bus Services may end at 2:00 A.M, so don’t rely to much on taking the bus home. I will be able to carpool at most two people, home and we may be able to take a couple more, but please don’t rely on the LAN hosts for a ride home. With that said, we wholeheartedly support the bumming of rides off of friends, friend’s parents, friend’s siblings, friend’s Ex’s, etc.
Attached Files:
I have attached two documents to aide you guys in prepping for this LAN Party.The first is a checklist that outlines everything that you guys will be responsible for bringing to the LAN Party. The second is a parking map to better assist you in finding parking locations.
NOLAG Site::
Be sure to check out our NOLAG site (www.nolaglans.com) for weekly articles on the gaming industry as well as information on upcoming events. We will finish posting all the articles chronicling are trip to the Penny Arcade Expo for those that are interested very soon (I mean it this time), so be sure to check it out.
Preparation:
I have attached a checklist of items that you may/will need for the LAN Party. Additionally, we recommend upgrading to the newest version of Flash Player as it will be required to run our internal LAN software and server (though it will be supplied at the LAN Party if you are unable to upgrade).
The Network of Local Area Gamers (NOLAG)
Preamble
- We the collective hereby decree the mission forthcoming of providing our members the opportunity to engage in communal network activities. These communal networking activities shall be provided for our members as often as deemed possible by the executive to satisfy the needs of our collective.
Terms
- Current active members are defined as members who have been active in the collective meetings and/or events within the last six months.
Article I
- The goal of our collective is to provide in essence the ability for our members to take part in Local Area Network Events. These “LAN Parties” will provide our members the means of socially interacting around the context of video games on an ongoing basis. This collective strives for as many of these events that can be effectively managed within a given period of time as determined by the collective.
Article II
- The collective although equal in its entirety agrees that in order for efficient and effective leadership a systematic hierarchy must be present. This systematic hierarchy nominates three executive positions that should be filled within the following parameters to ensure proper organizational functions of the collective. The executive will consist of duel leader positions as to bring structure and balance to the collective. These members will be equal in respect to their powers invested in them and their control over the routine functions of this collective. To help ensure consistency in the decisions concerning the collective these two members will be given a veto power as to keep the collective on track with the goals outlined in Article I. The third member of the executive will be chosen outside the realm of the network to strengthen the collective’s ties to our sister organizations. This member will not have the veto power as to keep our decisions within the terms of Article I but will be given a special status as a symbolic representation of our mutual interests.
Article III
- All decisions made by the collective are decisions voted on by the entire collective at specified meetings. A topic for discussion can be brought up by any member during procedural hearings at any collective meeting and if discussion of such an issue raises a voting concern it will be tabled with a minimum support of 30% of members or has the approval of a executive. A tabled vote will be done on at the next available meeting to give all members appropriate notice for their own private arrangements concerning the issue. When an issue is to be voted on an active majority must be present (40% of active members) unless an issue holds no conflict with the ranking executives. If a decision proposes a constitutional amendment the vote must consist of both veto holding executive members unless an 80% majority is achieved at which case one need only be present. In the case of constitutional change overriding a veto, the 80% of the majority vote must include the voice of 50% of current active members. Any decision made by the collective must be subjective to Articles I & II demonstrating focus on our goal and within the digression of the executive. If members however achieve collective support of 80% of members with the support of one of the two executive veto powers, a single standing veto can be overwritten. The non-veto executive position casts one vote and one vote only similar to the other members.
*Note: When a percentage is used as a method of calculating an amount of members, numbers are always rounded to the nearest whole and the executive is excluded due to special status.
Article IV
- All information, once given formal recognition, is bound to be freely available to all members. It shall be mandated here that information concerning the collective must be available within a reasonable amount of time in such a way that is accessible in some form to all members.
Article V
- In attempts to make the collective equal and eliminate barriers to entry there will be no fee or taxation on any members for any means. Any and all collections of monies will be for reimbursement of incurred costs managing this collective and/or any events it wishes to create. These monies will be collected from members directly involved in these cost incurring activities in the most fair and balanced way possible as deemed by the collective. In no circumstances will profiteering be allowed by the collective organization as a whole or by any members in regards to the collective.
Article VI
- Every member is entitled to an honourary status that they feel represents their inner character. This title, once chosen and approved by an executive will be bestowed upon them and only them for the member’s remaining period within the collective. At this time, after the result of a decision by the executive, the name will either be released into the free domain of choices or withdrawn from the collective and sanctified in memory of a retiring member.
- Any member that wishes to change his or her title may do so at anytime with the approval of an executive.
Article VII
- Our collective will have a minimum gathering requirement as outlined within the spectrum of this document. We shall meet a minimum of once per fourth annum to discuss and debate the premise of our objective.
Amendment I
- The fate of our collective’s leadership will be decided as it should be, in Mortal Kombat. This Mortal Kombat is a leadership challenge that requires no official declaration. Any active collective member may initiate a leadership challenge by confronting an executive in the presence of appropriate theme music, whilst possessing and demonstrating a choreographed set of moves and dress. Mortal Kombat is not about death, but the preservation of just executive power. As such, throughout Mortal Kombat, a challenged executive may surrender his or her position at any moment they feel exemplary leadership ability has been demonstrated by the challenger.
Well ladies as gentlemen, we have finally arrived in Seattle after a long and harrowing journey. Having left Winnipeg ust after 6:00 A.M, the trip took a grand total of 30 hours with a meager 2 hours (at best) of sleep throught the trip. This, when combined with the 3 hours of sleep I got the night before resulted in us being very, very tired upon our arrival at our Embassy Suites Hotel. Thankfully, Seattle has no shortage of coffee shops and, finding a starbucks connected to a Gamestop, we took a moment to marvel in wonderment at such a perfect merger and were at a loss as to why we had not seen such a combination elsewhere. The moment soon passed however, and we scrambled to pump liquid consciousness into our body before continuing to explore the city.
The rest of the day was spent purchasing supplies from Target for the coming day (i.e snacks and water) and exploring the massive electronics store that is Frys for additional Cat 5 cables to bring to the LAN Parties. Other highlights included picking up a pizza from across the city, walking around a city not made for walking (see Parkour) and just generally complaining how tired we were once the caffeine wore off.
Returning to the hotel, we quickly transformed our room into a NOLAG base of operations, complete with 2 routers, 2 laptops, and an Xbox 360; which were nicely complimented by the Hotel’s 2 complimentry Flat Screen T.V’s. What remained of the evening was spent reminiscing over trip so far over episodes of Family Guy.
Highlights of the road trip to Seattle itself included nearly getting into a fight with a drunken Idahoian during a 3:00 A.M gas stop, eating a sandwich bigger then my head, and driving through a storm in Montana and subsequently seeing a double arched rainbow. The trip also reminded me of just how damn big Montana really is, as all the Age of Empires and Pokemon trivia in the world couldn’t make that 18 hour portion of the trip any less grueling.
For those of you desiring visual aides, fear not as we have uploaded a large gallery of images at the bottom of the article and will be doing so with every post. Unfortunately, many of the images were taken with an iPhone camera app, which lacked both zoom and a flash. Additionally, we drove through the Rockies at night, so for those wishing to see such images, your pretty much out of luck. With that said, I did take a few shots of the valley city of Butane and a photo at dawn of fog in the Rockies that reminded us of Silent Hill.
That just about wraps up our first report, but be sure to check back regularly as we bring you more on our PAX odyssey.
